What to expect at Our Peer Support Groups
Walking into a room full of strangers can be daunting for anyone. But add on the social anxiety many of us ADHDers experience and stepping through that door can seem like an impossible task.
Lots of our Dolls, including some of our volunteers, have told us they spent weeks building up the courage to attend one of our evening Peer Support Groups for the first time. And we’ve spoken to people at events, and on social media, who are still working towards taking that first step.
We want every woman, non-binary and gender fluid person in the Highlands who lives with ADHD (whether they have a medical diagnosis or not) to feel confident enough to come along to our groups. This blog describes what to expect when attending our Peer Support Groups, from arriving at the building to saying our goodbyes at the end of the evening. We hope that by providing this detail, and allowing people to mentally prepare for their first Dopamine Dolls visit, we might just help to make that impossible task feel possible.
Our Peer Support Groups are held at Cafe 1668, on Church Street, Inverness. To keep up to date on when our groups are running, follow us on socials (Instagram/Facebook) and sign up to our monthly newsletter.
The cafe is at the Friar’s Lane end of Church Street. If you’re approaching from Friar’s Lane, the cafe is on your left, a little after the ice cream shop, Miele’s Gelateria, and right next to Wild Pancakes. And obviously if you’re approaching from the town centre/Queensgate end of Church Street, the cafe will be on the right. It’s just down from the Wetherspoon pub, The King’s Highway. We have a video on our Instagram that shows the journey to our support group from the Queensgate end of Church Street, which you can watch here.
As you’ll see from the graphic above, the entrance to the cafe is through a stone archway. As you enter the archway, the cafe is through a door to your right. If you arrive before 7pm (ADHDers can be early sometimes, right?!) the metal gates at the entrance to the archway will be closed and locked. There are usually a few people standing outside from about 6.50pm. If some of those people have been to a few group meetings already they might be chatting, but often there are people standing quietly too. If you feel comfortable saying hi to the people standing outside then please do. But if you’d prefer not to say anything that’s absolutely fine too. It’s very important that throughout the evening each of you does what you need to do to feel comfortable.
At about 7pm the volunteer leading the group will unlock the gates and invite you in. They will also ask to scan your QR Code, which you will have recieved through email when booking. If you look to your left as soon as you enter the cafe you’ll see a wooden door that leads to the toilets, including a disabled toilet. Just in front of you there’ll be a table with flyers, business cards and a notebook, where you can write your emaill address if you’d like to sign up to our monthly newsletter.
We arrange chairs arround a large table, in the main area of the cafe, just past the signing in table. We base the number of chairs on the number of people we’re expecting to attend, which is one of the reasons we ask you to book in advance through Eventbrite. The number of people attending each meeting varies a fair bit but it’s usually between five and twelve. Please sit anywhere you feel comfortable.
On the table, you will find a section of fidget toys, which you’re welcome to borrow one to use during the meeting. Or of course you can bring your own. You will also find a selection of sticky-notes and pens in case you’d like to take any notes. This is also helpful for when you might have something to share or ask whilst someone else is talking, so you don’t forget!
Teas and coffees (usually including decaf) are set out on the cafe’s counter and you’re welcome to make yourself one (or two!). Hot water can be found in the teapot, and milk and sugar will also be on the counter. Plant milk is often available but we leave it in the fridge. Please ask the facilitator (who will be wearing a lanyard) if it isn’t on the counter. We will also have some biscuits and sweets as well (vegan options avaliable but please feel free to bring your own snacks). You don’t need to pay for refreshments, but if you can afford to make a small donation via our Just Giving , we would really appreciate it. Donations help us to cover the running costs of our events and develop useful resources for our community.
The meeting doesn’t usually get underway until about 7.10pm. During this time, the door is left open and people will still be arriving. Just before we begin the meeting, a volunteer will close and lock the door. This is for everyone’s privacy - so we can talk freely without people out on the street hearing us - it definitely doesn’t mean it’s too late to enter the meeting. If you arrive after 7pm and the door is closed, just knock on the door and come on in. There’s no such thing as being late for a Dopamine Dolls meeting! If you’ve booked, there should be a spare chair for you in the circle but if there isn’t, just grab one from around the edge of the cafe, and we’ll make room for you in the circle.
If you need the toilet, or fancy a drink or snack, at any point during the meeting, please just get up and go for it. This isn’t school! As previously mentioned, we want you to be as comfortable as possible throughout the evening.
At the beginning of the meeting, the volunteer facilitating it will go through our ground rules, let us know about any upcoming events, and provide any other news or updates they feel are relevant. Then they’ll open the meeting up to the group.
The conversation in the first half of the meeting is determined by the people sitting in the circle. As long as it’s ADHD-related, anything goes! We’ve previously discussed routes to assessment and diagnosis; our experiences of different medications; the pros and cons of disclosing an ADHD diagnosis to family, friends, or employers; ways to manage particular symptoms; the various traits we each experience; and so much more.
You’re welcome to ask questions, ask for advice, share experiences, stories or tips. Or you can sit and listen. We know that some days you might need to just sit and absorb, and that is perfectly okay. However, the more people who feel comfortable sharing their stories, asking questions, or offering tips, the richer and more helpful the experience becomes for everyone in the circle.
Some discussions are light-hearted, and we can even end up laughing when someone shares a silly situation their ADHD brain has got them into, and we realise we all have similar stories!
But we sometimes have much more serious conversations, for example about the devastating impact ADHD can have on our mental health, our relationships, our jobs, and many other aspects of our lives. These discussions can be triggering and upsetting, regardless of whether you’re talking or listening. If you feel you need to step away from the conversation, or leave the meeting entirely, please do. You don’t need to say anything to anyone. Feel free to step out into the archway for some fresh air, make yourself another drink, or do whatever you need to do in that moment.
If you feel able to return to the circle after a while, please do. Again, you don’t have to say anything to anyone, and no one will draw attention to you.
If you’re not able to return, and you choose to go home instead, please try to practise some self-care before you go to bed that night. Use a self-care technique you know works for you, and try not to take anyone else’s problems home with you. Please reach out to our volunteers via email (info@dopaminedolls.co.uk) if you feel you need further support and signposting to a helpful service. And please know that you will still be very welcome at the next group meeting, or at any Dopamine Dolls event you would like to attend in the future.
Roughly halfway through the meeting we’ll stop for a break. This is a chance to use the toilet, get some fresh air, or top up your tea or coffee. It can also be an opportunity to have a chat with a person or people sitting near you, although again, only if you feel comfortable doing so. If you need, or wish, to leave during the break, that’s not a problem. Please let someone know you’re leaving, just in case the fire alarm goes off but remember there is no need to explain yourself to anyone! We wont ask why you are leaving and don’t need you to worry about justifying yourself to us.
We don’t have a set time when the break finishes. Sometimes it comes to a natural conclusion when people are back in their seats and any small conversations going on around the circle have finished. Other times, the volunteer will suggest we restart the meeting at a time they feel is appropriate.
The second half of the meeting is almost always more relaxed than the first. We try to still keep our conversations related to ADHD, but the topics tend to be less serious and more general. Once, we spent almost the entire second half talking about foods we could no longer face eating after previously hyper-focusing on them!
We have been known to have craft activities available during the second half of the meeting from time to time, things like beading, flower arranging, and gingerbread ‘doll’ decorating!
We try to finish on time (at 9pm) as a courtesy to people living close to the cafe. The volunteer running the group that evening will bring the meeting to a close and remind everyone about some of the group’s rules. We ask that you place mugs and spoons back on the counter, put any rubbish in the bin by the front door, and return fidget toys, pens, or sticky-notes to the table.
Volunteers and some regular attendees will rearrange the tables and chairs so the room looks like a cafe again. You won’t be expected to help with this and are welcome to leave when you’re ready.
As atendees make thier way towards the front door, they often discuss where those who drove into town have parked, and which direction locals are walking in. Those who’ve used the same car park, parked in a similar area, or live close to one another, may then walk together for company. Again, please do whatever you feel comfortable doing.
And that’s what to expect from a Dopamine Dolls group meeting from start to finish!
We hope this blog has given you the confidence to come along to your first Peer Support Group. But if you have any questions, you have a need we haven’t addressed, or there’s something else we can do to make it easier to for you to join us, then please do get in touch.
We look forward to welcoming you to a group very soon!
